Dear guys on online dating sites...

If you don't know the difference between "hole" and "whole", just don't bother contacting me because you don't have a chance in hell.

Sincerely,

Amy

I need a spirit guide...

I was watching some movie about dog sled racing, like Iron Will or something. Iron Will had a Native American friend who pushed him and challenged him, and gave him nifty trinkets made from buffalo bones or something.

Lots of movies and tv shows have characters that have spirit guides. I want one of these. They could give me some necklace made of shells and a leather cord, and tell me things like my animal spirit guide is the tiger, or goose or something... they could help me find my way in this life.

He should also be part Tim Gunn. I love that dude.