Sunday, April 27, 2008

Holy Axe!!

I have teenage boys.

Anyone who enters my apartment would know that, at least for the brief seconds they remained living, since they would start dying soon after their first breath.

It's like some form of chemical warfare.

The Axe Effect.

You can't see the cloud of noxious fumes... but it's there. When you first smell it, you might think it's nice... and certainly better than the B.O. that is normally associated with teenage boys. But then your eyes start to water, and start to sort of melt.

The next symptom is burning nostrils. The Axe scent permeates every hair in your nose.

Soon your lungs actually start screaming in agony from the pollution.

Then most people start having seizures and a full meltdown like that dude in Raiders of the Lost Ark.

I've become immune to it.

Teenage boys are immune to it, too. And, they just don't seem to understand that less is more. That it's not sexy to be able to smell you from across the freakin' mall.

When will they learn? The entire population of teenage girls will be dead and melty before they stop the Axe devestation.


coffeypot said...

They will learn when all the girls start throwing up around them. Some girl somewhere will tell them.

Sushiboy said...

Its the advertisers fault, they advertise that girls will flock from miles around if your wearing axe. So the teenage boy figures he better put enough of it on so that you can smell it for miles around.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Terry said...

AS the father of a 16 year old boy your post reminds me that I'm not alone in the war against the dreaded anti perspirant overkill. :)

Anonymous said...

My son is eight and already wants me to buy it. I will delay as long as possible. TWO teenage boys?? You poor woman.

Writeprocrastinator said...

We drive Procrastinator Junior's best friend from time to time and he jumped into the car, smelling of this Raid-related nonsense.

They should call it what it really is, "human repellent."