Facebook

Whenever I log onto facebook, there is a spot to sign up, if you haven't already. It says:

Sign up
It's free and always will be

They forget to mention that it will cost you your soul. It may not cost you money... but it will suck away your life and you will never be the same again.

There should be some disclosure about that, Mr. Zuckerberg.

Sorry Sorry!!

I'm doing it again! I'm not posting! Very bad Amy...

So, here is an awesome picture I took in the mall parking lot. I probably took it a year ago or something. I know I took it to show to my very special, wonderful blog readers.




I have no idea what is going on with this car. I GUESS it's a mannequin head. And hand. But who drives around with something like this in the back of their car for all to see? Somebody weird, that's who. THIS is just the stuff we can see.

Freak.

It was awful...

I was standing in line at the store yesterday. I didn't steal anything this time...

There were two touchy feely lesbians in front of me. I know I'm a girl and all, but I can appreciate cute lesbians. These were NOT cute.

There was a motorized cart that someone just left, and the battery died. And it had the most annoying fucking alarm going off FOR-EVERRRRRR. No one tried to stop it. None of the store employees did anything about it.

THEN... some chick behind me started singing that Rebecca Black "Friday" song. I refuse to post a link to it. And, if you haven't heard it, consider yourself lucky. DO NOT go to youtube to find it. Don't do it. Don't.

Anyway, I really REALLY wanted to punch someone yesterday. Just because of that stuff. NO ONE should be subjected to such things.

Nausea Heartburn Indigestion Upset Stomach Diarrhea

Today I had a half day at work. Some coworkers (Deb, Gina and Susan) and I went to lunch and then the plan was to go to Debs so she could cut and color Gina and Susan's hair.

After lunch we went to Walgreens to buy the color. My tummy wasn't feeling that great, so I decided I would pick up some Pepto while we were there.

I was in the aisle (aisle 8) looking at all the different pink boxes and bottles. Chewable, liquid, caplets, brand name or generic. I just wanted the cheapest. One of the managers came up to me and asked if I needed any help. "Um, no thanks" I said. "Oh, someone just called for some help in aisle 8, I thought it might be you" (I was actually the only person in aisle 8). "No, thanks, I don't need help picking out Pepto." And, I feel kinda sorry for anyone that does...

I picked a box of generic chewables and went to meet my friends in the hair color aisle. We spent a few minutes looking at this box and that box... and I told them my dumb little story about the manager.

We went up to the counter to pay for our items and left.

BUT I FORGOT TO PAY FOR THE PEPTO!!! I shoplifted the Pepto.

It was such a rush.

Ok... I lied

I'm NOT going to run the 5k. My left knee seems to have a big problem with this idea. And, I'm poor and can't afford the registration fee.

BUT.. I'm still working out with my trainer and determined to lose weight and be healthy!

And, while I know this isn't super exciting news, it is a blog post. So... yeah.

3 things...

The Susan G. Komen Race For The Cure. I'm going to participate in this. The company I work for has a team, so I'm going to register. In my mission to get healthy, I'm planning to run the 5k. RUN. THE WHOLE WAY. I'm pretty sure I can train for that and be ready by June 4th. And, you all will be cheering me on... at least on the internet, right?


I made this. It's Asparagus and White Bean Salad. I found the recipe on When Harry Met Salad. Megan is a fantastic blogger, writer and photographer (I ripped those pictures off of her blog... thanks Megan!). Her recipe is Asparagus and White Bean Bread Salad, and is adapted from Gourmet. I further adapted it and didn't use the bread. It was still delicious, and I plan to make this simple recipe many times, at least while asparagus is in season. Two thumbs up! Or 5 out of 5 stars! Or... whatever.

I'm reading this. The Bucolic Plague by Josh Kilmer-Purcell. Sorry for the smallish picture. Josh is one of The Fabulous Beekman Boys, and if you haven't seen their show on Planet Green, you don't know what you're missing. They are hilarious and sweet and... human. And, they are coming to Madison next weekend and I'm going to have them sign my book! They can't escape me.

I'm reading a lot these days, because I got rid of cable. And since I also don't have a digital converter box, I'm basically limited to Netflix and the internet (still able to watch the Beekman Boys!). But... I really don't mind not having cable. I'm sure saving a butt-load of money!!

Been a looooonnng time!

This blog may take an ugly turn.

I'm working out now. At a gym. With a personal trainer. I've got about 70 lbs to lose.

I'm trying to eat healthier. And cook. And eat things like fruit. And vegetables. VEGETABLES.

I'm probably going to do things like shop at farmers markets. And, I've started some seeds and will even be trying to GROW my own vegetables.

So, yeah. There's that.

And, my kids. They are growing. One of them might be considered a man, since he's 18. He will be graduating and going to college.

The other one is 16. He's still kinda a tumbleweed blowing around trying to find a place to land.

So, I'll probably be writing about them, too. And all the fantastic things that happen as they try to spread their wings.

Oh. And if you didn't already know this... my credit sucks. So, I've got bills and budgets and things that I might blog about, too. Not too much of it, though, since THAT is even more embarrassing to me than the weight issue.


Like I said... ugly turn. I'll try not to let it become one of those blogs.

I just need to warn you all right now...

My oldest son, Mike, will be 18 at the end of February. At the end of this school year, he will be graduating (at least I hope he will be).

This means that he will sort of be an adult. He can vote. He can live on his own... maybe.

I'm pretty convinced that he will die pretty quickly when living on his own. You see, he has had the ability to read since he was in kindergarten. However, when it comes to reading directions, he somehow loses this ability. Like, for cooking, for example. "Mom, how do you make this?" "Read the directions." "Mom, how long should this go in the microwave for?" "Read the directions."

He's going to leave my house and live on cereal on hot pockets and become host to a family of tapeworms I think. Then he'll go to the doctor, get some prescription, but still end up dying because he won't read the prescription directions.

I am a failure.

I don't know...

I just felt like posting SOMETHING. So, here ya go.

*google image searched "something"

online dating...

A dude... without a shirt on... holding up a fish he just caught.... contacted me.

Um... no.

THAT is the picture you choose for your profile??? For the first impression?? I mean, I know I'm in Wisconsin. I could maybe see a picture of you with your shirt off with the 30 point buck you just shot strapped to the back of your pickup... but not a fish. LAME.

*p.s. the pic I used is NOT the dude.

$#!t my son says....

Today my son Mike and I were watching "A Boy Named Charlie Brown", or one of those other Charlie Brown movie things...

Charlie Brown and Linus were on their way to school. They passed by Lucy and 2 other chicks (I know one of them was Violet). Lucy ran up to Charlie Brown and sarcastically suggested he volunteer for the class Spelling Bee. So, he decided to do it. All 3 of the girls danced around Charlie Brown, singing about how he's a failure and going to make a fool of himself.

Mike: "Charlie Brown is going to bring a gun to school."

I laughed and laughed and laughed. And thought that the people who read my blog probably have the same sense of humor as me and would also appreciate that.

A conversation at work today

Angie (my coworker), pointing to a plastic grocery bag on my desk- Why don't you take that bag and put it over your face?

Me- Fuck off


She's a good friend...

A post...

For all you people who keep bugging me... here ya go.

However, this chick is super duper DUPER scatterbrained today, so... the rest of this post says nothing!

Maybe I'll be back in a few months with something totally awesome to say...

Mmmm... beer....

I like beer. I like trying new beers. My go-to cheap beer is Miller Lite.

There are billboards around town advertising Miller Lite. And even on TV the commercials talk about how it is "Triple hops brewed for a great pilsner taste". What the hell does that even mean? Does your average beer drinker really know what "triple hops brewed" is?

Will your average beer drinker taste some other beer, like Bud Light, and turn their nose up and say "this crap is clearly only double hops brewed for mediocre pilsner taste"? Or gag and vomit at the mere thought of some beer that is only single hop brewed (would it be single hop or single hops? I bet it's hops. They are talking about the brewing, not the number of hops. I bet if they only used *a* hop that would probably not even qualify as beer. I at least know that much).

Anyway, I was just wondering...

Dear God

... or whoever.

If you let me go to sleep now (it's freakin' 1 am on a Tues/Wed) I promise to never ever ever ever EVER drink any sort of coffee beverage after 3 pm ever ever ever again.

Amen

SPRING!!!

It's raining... and lightning and thundering... and the trees are starting to get green... and I'm super retarded and excited that birds are coming to my bird feeders...

and this morning walking to my garage I saw WORMS!!

I don't know why I like worms so much. Birds and worms.

Do I need help? I mean about the bird and worm love... I know I need help on several other levels.

I think I'm gonna start posting again...

I know... it's like a dream come true for all of you.


And by "all of you" I mean no one, because I'm sure no one even comes to check out this thing anymore.

How Lame am I?

June TENTH was my last post??? I guess that is what happens when you start having an actual life, with friends, and family, and a super awesome boyfriend (yes, after about a year and a half "alone", I am now in an actual relationship).

Truth be told, there are times that I have little "I should totally put that on my blog" moments. I can't think of any right now, though.

The boys are doing pretty good. Mike is in football again, and loving it. Shane is staying out of trouble and happy hanging out with his friends.

Work is... a job I'm very happy to have. I haven't been moved in about a year now (amazing), although I did have some ergonomics chick come and show me how my desk, chair, keyboard should be, then a couple dudes (one with a bad eye) came and overhauled my work area. The desk is a little crooked (which I think may have something to do with bad eye dude), but I'm much happier now that everything is at the right height. Wow... interesting crap I have to write about, huh?

FACEBOOK. Ugh. Please find me on there. I'm wasting most of my time there now. I have at least 2 farms, an ocean, a flower thingy, a restaurant, a pet named Horatio, ... I don't know what else. It's fun, although I'm getting all arthritic and carpal tunnell-y because of it. Can I sue Facebook for that?

Need a pic? Here is what I found when I Google image searched "Lame". Enjoy. I'll try to blog more. And thanks, Blue Beak, for the b-day wishes!!

RIP

At work today I got a small package of Teddy Grahams. Cinnamon Teddy Grahams.

Most of them were in tact and very scrumptious, and served their purpose for satisfying my snack attack.

But, I noticed these 3. These 3 poor little dismembered Cinnamon Teddy Grahams. I think there must have been a tiny little Cinnamon Teddy Graham minefield that they ran into somewhere.

And so, I put them out of their misery. They had a burial at mouth with full honors.

Dear guys on online dating sites...

If you don't know the difference between "hole" and "whole", just don't bother contacting me because you don't have a chance in hell.

Sincerely,

Amy